NEED FOR CLOSURE

4 MINUTES READ

If you’ve gone through a breakup recently or even years ago and you are feeling conflicted, confused, heartbroken, or pissed off, then this article is for you. Ending a relationship is painful regardless of how long it lasted. I’m sure we can all agree that the days/weeks following the breakup could be difficult. You could have had the worlds most clear breakup and still catch yourself wondering why it ended or what went wrong. However, ending an intimate relationship with unanswered questions is like leaving yourself with an open, unattended wound. Overtime it can become infected, or heal in a way that leaves you scarred and scared. You may become mistrustful of men, even men who have never done anything to you and end up feeling too vulnerable to ever open your heart again.

SHORT STORY

Hayley meets Phil in one of the usual way boy meets girl. They get to talking stage. Both parties are getting closer or so Hayley thought. But that was not the case for PHIL. He had other options while Hayley invested her time and attention on him as the only option in that moment. Fast track to a few months later, Phil sent Hayley a message telling her they cannot see each other anymore with no explanation as to why and blocked her number, leaving Hayley with a bunch of unanswered questions, self doubt and anger. Hayleys friends came up with a lot of ideas to get over him. Some recommended she pick up a new hobby, cut her hair, and download dating apps. Others even gave her a formula, saying it would take approximately half the time of the relationship to move on. A few people also told her that she wouldn’t be able to move on because she had no closure from the situation. That if she wanted to move on quickly, she should meet with him and have the “closure talk.” I’m sure you’re familiar with the term. Hayley never met up with him, she just let it go. One day, she got an invite to hang out with some ladies. Conversation led to conversation and Phils name came up. Apparently that was his cycle and had done what he did to Hayley to a good number of ladies and had quite the reputation. Hayley was so relieved. She had never been more happy to end the relationship. She got the closure she needed without reaching out to him

WHY YOU SHOULD LET IT GO

I have met so many ladies in toxic situations that just cannot leave. Not because they have not come to the realization of the toxicity, but the idea of having somebody, the fear of being alone and basking in the idea of being worshipped even if everything he is saying is a lie is STRONGER. The same goes for a lady who is desperate to keep any guy that comes into her life because others left even though he isn’t doing right by her. You deserve to be put as a first choice/option over and over again. That guy you are seeing that keeps treating you as an option really doesn’t deserve you. Throw the self doubt to the wind Queen and make room for Kings.

The truth is there are a million reasons as to why a relationship doesn’t work out. Maybe it was scheduling, maybe it was timing, maybe it was infidelity, boredom or whatever. But the ending of a relationship often has more to do with the simple fact that two people did not complement each other in the way they initially thought they would.

Closure comes when you can start to accept that there is nothing you could have done to make someone love you more or love you less. The fact of the matter is that some people just don’t work together. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s a great sign of maturity to be able to recognize that a relationship is no longer serving you or your partner. It doesn’t mean the love wasn’t real at some point. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. And it certainly doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to be hurt over it.

INTERRUPT THE PATTERN

Relationships are goldmines for learning life’s biggest lessons. I want you to uncover all the lessons that this man and this relationship had to teach you. What did you learn about yourself ? Where do you see an opportunity to grow? As you begin to understand more and more about yourself and your ways of relating, move into a place of love, acceptance, and accountability for your actions. Recognize that if you knew better at the time, you would have done it differently. Harvest the learning. Do not beat yourself up and now that you have learned the lessons, do not repeat them in the future. I know its tough but I hope you can find some peace in knowing that you are in charge of how, when and why you move on.

DECEMBER BOXY CHARM REVIEW

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SELF CARE ROUTINE TO INDULGE IN THIS WEEKEND

Hey loves !

After what’s felt like a long while, I’ve managed to put together a blog post . This weekend I am intentionally taking time out to relax and just have a much needed ‘ME TIME’. Over time I have developed special rituals on the weekends where I give my body little extra attention . However today I wanted to share with you a few of my self care routines and habits .

1. Start a Slow and Mindful Morning. On my self care mornings I try not to jump out of bed and rush into the shower compared to the days I am running late . I lay in bed for a few minutes after I wake up to ensure my brain reboots literally before getting up and getting into my days activities.

2. Sip your tea or coffee and do nothing

3. Exercise that body of yours .

4. Pamper your skin . This is the major part of my self care days . I leave a mask on my face and go about my lazy activities. I just indulge my skin .

5. Binge Watch Your Favorite Show . I am currently binging to Love Island.

6. Put on Makeup . This could be stressful but you can use this time to take a picture or two .

7. Treat yourself to Manis/Pedis. A good Mani and Pedi does not hurt darling!

8. Take Power Naps .

When is the last time you enjoyed doing an activity unrelated to your work? If you are thinking, this post is definitely for you. Let me know if you like this post and you can share some of your self care routines in the comment section . Thanks for reading ! Bye for now guys .

TWENTY THREE!!

I woke up on the morning of 01/05/2020, first week into the new year to a complete lack of direction, an empty wallet, a scar, and hospitalized for complications with peptic ulcer. A week following my discharge, I got home on a bad day to my belongings engulfed in a flame. I could not believe my eyes when I opened my front door. I remember being dragged by the fire fighters out of the house to the ambulance because I refused to revisit the hospital. Very hazy thought. I wanted to stay with my properties and watch them burn to ashes so much that I developed cerebral hypoxia. I was discharged after 24 hours and was placed on antidepressants and a thousand medications for severe insomnia.

When was the last time you smiled at a stranger

It was a perfect night for a concert- wide open skies, flowing summer skirts and big smiles. The rain even held out until the last song, only to be accompanied by thunderous downpour and cheering. Eager to dodge the rain, masses shuffled out jumping over puddles, while others jumped right in- we’re different , after all!

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But nonetheless, most were drenched and on route to dryer places. That wasn’t the case, however, for an older homeless man outside the festival gates- he was sitting patiently for either the rain to stop or some cash to flow in. That’s of course until the girl in the blue dress showed up without hesitating, she held out her umbrella over him and like out of a scene of a movie her voice competing with the rain , shouted “take it”! The beautiful exchange was seamless and witnessed by another bystander. She was moved by this woman’s simple act of kindness and inspired to keep it going. Again, like out of a scene in a love story , she ran up behind the compassionate woman , handed her a soaked $5 bill and said , “your morning coffee is on me”!

Ripple effects of committing and witnessing acts of kindness is indeed contagious. It’s impacts are bigger than us and unify us just the same, and no matter how big or small a gesture you make, the result is clear- one act of kindness and compassion can change the world. All you need to do is dip into your compassion pocket each day and do something kind, either for a stranger , loved one or in some cases yourself! Those encouraged to perform daily acts of kindness vs those that didn’t experienced a boost in their happiness levels. Isn’t that what we all want? This could be opening a door for a stranger, sharing a smile with passers by or taking your mother to an appointment. All this things you can do without the expectation of anything in return, aside from perhaps inspiring someone else to do the same. If all else fails, you would have single handedly contributed to repairing the world, one kind act at a time .